My wife and I spent the first year and a half of our marriage in Boulder, Colorado, where the winters are cold and electric blankets are standard survival equipment. We fell into a habit of snuggling under those blankets but forgetting to turn out all the lights. And every time, Barbara would say, "Sweetheart, did you remember to turn out all the lights?"Usually I would hop out of our comfy bed and run barefoot through the 55-degree apartment, turning off light after light (that Barbara had turned on). But one time I got fed up and groaned, "Honey, why don't you turn out the lights tonight?"
Barbara replied, "I thought you would because my dad always turned out the lights."
Suddenly I was wide awake. It dawned on me why I had been suffering occasional minor frostbite for the past few months. And I shot back, "But I'm not your dad!"
We stayed up for a long time, discussing expectations-what Barbara expected of me and what I expected of her-with many of those expectations stemming from what we had imported into our marriage from our homes.
When we were married, for dinner I expected meat and mounds of mashed potatoes with butter cascading down the sides. Alas, it was not to be. Barbara leans toward exotic tuna casseroles and lots of other things I could not begin to identify.
Each partner brings a certain set of expectations into a marriage. When they are not met, the drought of disillusionment can dry up the dialogue in the streams of our conversation.
Marriage provides a relationship where two people can hammer out realistic expectations. No mate will ever fulfill all of your desires in marriage. There is only One who is capable of that.